“If I were asked for advice by couples who were having problems around sex …, I would suggest that they look for any of the thousand tiny coercions and compromises of their lives together, the constant onslaught against each other’s freedom that takes place even in the most loving connections, and stop all such behavior at once.

“I would strongly advocate that they never do or say anything that they don’t genuinely mean or feel like doing -- that they follow their desires no matter what they perceive that the possible consequences might be. I would suggest to them that emotional/physical numbness is the result of frequent self- betrayal, of giving in to the tender tyranny of lovers who certainly never intended to be oppressive. I would warn them that such unwitting enslavement erodes all hopes for intimacy because, contrary to our socialized beliefs, nothing free or joyful can come from self-denial.”

-- Sonia Johnson