THE ANGRY VOICE

"Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to."

-- Harriet Lerner

Hi Patrice,

My precious friend Adelaida shared a perspective with me yesterday that opened me to new possibilities.

She has been exploding with anger a lot recently, shouting particularly at her husband. Why? "Because," she says, "I need to hear myself -- loudly and clearly."

Adelaida knows she needs to hear her own truth spoken out loud. The louder she expresses her truth, the more likely it is that she will truly acknowledge it.

"When I shout at someone, it's really not about them. It's all about me. For so many years, I repressed my feelings for fear that if I expressed them, then my husband or my daughter or my mother... would not love me anymore. But now I am no longer willing to stay silent." Fortunately, her husband knows what's going on and doesn't take the outbursts personally.

I was reminded of Eve Bernshaw's guidance that "all functional relationships start with a basis of truth. ... Truth is the first thing necessary to create trust in our relationships. Respect is earned from trust, and love is earned from respect. Intimacy is the gift we get when we risk telling the truth." You can read more of Eve's wisdom here.

Ideally, we will find the power to speak our truth without resorting to anger. However, if anger should burst forth from us, here's hoping that we are listening!

~ Patrice

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth."

-- Benjamin Disraeli