Women's Empowerment Stories ...

The Crossing
~ Jenny Beard

The journey of growth takes us through deep, dark waters.

Her small arms are outstretched, fingers trailing the surface of the chilly water, leaving tendrils in each wake. The hip deep water rises slightly with every struggled pull of her right leg and then her left. Eyes are searching, desperate and weary for the land where she can crawl out and finally rest. But it is nowhere in sight. Fog covers her view with hopeless knowledge that here, where she stands, is her choice; trudge on further with faith in her power, faith in her God, or lie down and let the water roll its way over her mouth, filling her nostrils, taking her in its cold embrace.

The weight of the water seems to pull at her. Tender and fragile, how long can she last? How much more can she endure? She can feel the tingles in her limbs, the numbness growing stronger. Shivers come and go, leaving exhaustion behind. The coldness bites, a gnawing that never seems to stop. Mud slurps at her toes, sucking them deeper, making each step more difficult. It’s starting to feel like surrendering is the better way.

"I could just relax for a moment, let my fatigued muscles find some respite. My calves are cramping, my knees buckling and I am losing hope. I don’t want to be in this frustration. I don’t want to even try anymore! How do I know land even exists? Maybe there is no way out of this. If I am destined to wander in pain, then I would rather lie down and accept my fate. I’m too weak. This is too much."

Alone in her crossing, she is likely to fall. If only one could stand by her side, hold her trembling fingers and smile some encouragement her way. How would it feel to know that a fellow traveler was there to reach out to, someone to trade hope with, to propel forward in the necessary steps? "God, Father, give me something. I beg you." The words rip open admission of where her faith lies: on the shores where she courageously stepped off to begin this rebirth. Far, far behind her.

Where was God when this journey began? When the peace spread warmly in her chest and she sunk that first toe in the water, she had no idea how treacherous this would be. Where was the God who protects and guides? Why didn’t He sweep in and pull her away from this dangerous current? Her faith is as tattered and ruined as the Bible she got when she was nine years old, the one she carried around for most of her life, the one that sits silent and dusty on her bookshelf at home.

This is the dark and desolate place of crossing. This is the test of her endurance, of her core offerings. Whether the water rises or falls she must persevere in her attempt to enlarge her coasts. Suffering is inevitable. Clarity is her strength. Success is never guaranteed. But the journey, the growth achieved is immeasurable in its worth. She is stronger with each crossing. She is purer in spirit, holier in the beauty of who she is.
~ Jenny Beard

Jenny invites you to contact her by email at clarityismine@yahoo.com.

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